And then it was black...

Since, I know I'll end up posting about it here, I figured I'd pull my post from my main site to here.

Backstory: On Dec 22nd I had surgery, which went wonderfully. Afterward didn't. If anything sounds odd or funny, I am on pain meds, so bare with me:

I wasn't joking when I said they almost killed me yesterday. The surgery went wonderfully. It was quick, easy, in and out, back to recovery, tell the husband she's okay, and done.

Afterwards wasn't so easy. Now, I woke up in bad pain, again (which I was expecting but, it still sucks to wake up like that.) They gave me a shot of Toradol, the drug that has never killed a drop of pain in me, then after a bit, when I was still whining about the pain, they gave me two percocets.

That tells you how awake I was. I was able to swallow pills and talk with no problem. A short while later I felt like I was going to throw up, and I told the nurse that. She grabbed Phenergan attached it to the IV in my left arm, opened the line and started to push the Phenergan. I immediately started to shake my arms, jumping into the air, then getting heavy. I gasped out "I can't breathe" with the last air I had, then I couldn't speak, move or breathe anymore. I pitched forward (I was propped up in the bed) and everything started to go black.

The last thing that went to my head was "I'll never see Tony again." Then everything was completely black.

The next thing I remember is waking up with an ambu bag on my face and being unable to move even though I really wanted to. After some time, I became able to move a bit and I did, asking what was going on.

I'm not sure if it was a doctor, nurse, resident, whatever who first told me what had happened. It seems that during the surgery, due to my arm's position, the IV in my left arm clogged as they were pushing the paralytic drug in.

So, the inserted and IV in my right arm and used that one for the surgery, instead. But, they never flushed or removed the left one. When the nurse opened the line to give me the Phenergan the paralytic drug that was sitting there rushed into me.

And, of course, paralyzed me, just as it is supposed to do. The arms jumping then unable to move, the inability to breathe or hold myself up are all normal reactions to rocuronium. Unfortunately, they weren't ready with a tube and all that jazz, like they are in the OR.

I was lucky, it happened in the recovery room, someone picked it up right away and put the reversal meds going, and they bagged me immediately. Had I been sent back to my floor, and the nurse had pushed it through me up there, I wouldn't be here typing this.

For 30 minutes though, I was not breathing on my own. They were breathing for me with the bag, and doing everything they could to fix the mistake.

After I was back with it and able to speak and move on my own, the doctor and nurses involved told me exactly what happened. My oxygen saturation rate dropped from 100 to the low 60s fast. By the time the nurse had turned back to me (she thought I was just nervous still and able to breathe, as did the others around me) I was blue and tipped forward.

The doctor apologized over and over again. Now, several people I know have already told me to sue. I don't see the point in that. It was a mistake. A big one, that almost cost me my life, but, I guarantee that no one who was involved in this will ever make that mistake again.

I was at a teaching hospital and the doctor was already writing it up as a teaching case before I left. The residents who were all over will never do anything like this. The nurses won't be so quick to dismiss someone saying "I can't breathe." And, they will either flush or pull a line when a drug doesn't go like it should. They will never leave it again and risk someone's life.

As for me? I'm extremely freaked out. I keep reliving the feeling of being unable to breathe or move as I fell forward and knowing I was dead, that I would never see my husband again. My chest still feels heavy like I'm about to lose the ability to breathe again.

I know it's in my head but, I can't get beyond it, yet. I'm still scared and freaked out and wondering why this all happened. Right now, I'm just grateful to have more time with my husband, my niece and nephews, my parents, family, friends. I thought it was all gone and I got a second chance.

Now, I just need to take advantage of it.

Merry Christmas Eve.
  • Current Mood
    scared scared


I grabbed this from Iconoplast,as I thought it was a neat idea:

Step One

- Make a post (public, friends-locked,filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

-If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves)could get in touch with you.

- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two

-Surf around your friends list (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true.Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

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More Meme, this one from my sister....

Name:Suzy Smith
Birthday:April 21, 1975
Birthplace:Niagara Falls, NY
Current Location:Heathsville, VA
Eye Color:Green
Hair Color:Auburn
Height:5 foot 3 inches
Right Handed or Left Handed:Right
Your Heritage:Polish, Cherokee
The Shoes You Wore Today:None.
Your Weakness:Chocolate
Your Fears:Worry about my family
Your Perfect Pizza:Light cheese, heavy sauce, onions, green peppers, pepperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Finish the one piece I'm writing
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:Yay!
Thoughts First Waking Up:Gotta pee
Your Best Physical Feature:eyes
Your Bedtime:When I get hold my eyes open anymore.
Your Most Missed Memory:Various times with my nieces or nephews.
Pepsi or Coke:Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:Burger King
Single or Group Dates:Single, too old for Group dates
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:Neither
Do you Smoke:Yes :(
Do you Swear:Like a sailor
Do you Sing:All the time.
Do you Shower Daily:Nope, my hair would fall out.
Have you Been in Love:Yes
Do you want to go to College:Go back
Do you want to get Married:Been there, done that :)
Do you belive in yourself:Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:Yes.
Do you think you are Attractive:I'm passable
Are you a Health Freak:Nope
Do you get along with your Parents:Yes.
Do you like Thunderstorms:Yes.
Do you play an Instrument:No.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yes.
In the past month have you Smoked:Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Prescription drugs :)
In the past month have you gone on a Date:Nope
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:No
In the past month have you been on Stage:No
In the past month have you been Dumped:No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No
Ever been Drunk:Yes
Ever been called a Tease:Yes, jokingly
Ever been Beaten up:Yes.
Ever Shoplifted:When I was a kid
How do you want to Die:Very old, surrounded by my family.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:I am a grown up and still don't know.
What country would you most like to Visit:Poland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Whatever
Favourite Hair Color:Dark
Short or Long Hair:Depends on the person
Best Clothing Style:Rockabilly
Number of Drugs I have taken:My sister reads this, so not answering
Number of CDs I own:No clue
Number of Piercings:A bunch
Number of Tattoos:4
Number of things in my Past I Regret:Nothing, your past makes you who you are.


Silly Survey that Sasha tricked me into doing...

If you opened it, you have to do it.

Two Names You Go By:
1. Suzy
2. Susan (but, I much prefer Suzy)

Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Polish
2. Cherokee

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Glasses
2. White Tank top

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. Humor
2. Trust

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Writing
2. Target Shooting

Two Things You Want Really Badly At The Moment:
1. Chocolate
2. To get past this health crap.

Two pets you had/have:
1. Pokey, cat.
2. Homer, my big dumb dog that died just over a year ago :(

Two people who will fill this out:
1. Mary, if she sees it.
2. I don't know!

Two things you did last night:
1. Played KoL
2. Whined about hurting.

Two People that live in your house:
1. Me
2. The rest.

Two things you ate today:
1. Chipped Beef Gravy
2. Salad

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Tony
2. Stacy

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Fireworks
2. Whining

Two longest car rides:
1. Trip to Walt Disney World
2. Driving to see family in Niagara Falls.

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Halloween
2. Fourth of July (I love fireworks)

Two favorite Alcoholic beverages:
1. Vodka!
2. Wine

Two Things You Can't Live Without:
1. Family
2. Pain meds.
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful
  • Tags


Stolen from the wonderful Bev :

1. Who was your best friend?

Stacy, Jo-Anne, Tracey. The same people who are my best friends now.

In school, my senior year, it would've been Bill Rehmann and Larry Fullen. At the end of my junior year, the group I was friends with fell apart, as one couple married (he graduated that year.) I've seen a couple of them a few years back, I miss the whole group though.

(Floyd Herbert, Melody Hasselvander Herbert, Larry Fullen, Johnny Kyle, if you ever search for yourself, email me)

2. What sports did you play?

None, in my Senior year.

3. What kind of car did you drive?

Whatever car my parents owned. I think it was a Delta88. I didn't get my own car until after my first year of college.

4. It's Friday night, where are you at?

When Randy and I weren't fighting, with him, when we were out with friends. The best nights were in a corn field or at a construction site.

5. Were you a party animal?

A wee bit, although not as much my Senior Year.

6. Were you a considered a flirt?

I wouldn't say so.

7. Ever skip school?

Now and again, not as much my senior year as previous years.

8. Ever smoke?

Yes and I could kick my teenage self for ever picking up a cigarette.

9. Were you a nerd?

Not a nerd, a geek though.

10. Did you get suspended/expelled?

Not during my senior year. I had buckled down as I was taking a tough courseload so I could graduate.

11. Can you sing the Alma Mater?

I have no idea if Washington and Lee even had one.

12. Who was your favorite teacher?

Trudi Ficklin. She was my home economics teacher and a friend. Without her, I would never have finished high school.

Mark Comer was a close second, he was my government teacher, whom I enjoyed arguing politics with.

Mary Ingram. Mrs. Ingram was the English teacher for 12th grade and a very tough one but, I learned more in her English class than any of the previous years.

Really, I had a great group of teacher's my Senior Year.

13. Favorite class?

Home Economics. Over high school, I took all the home economics classes that the school offered.

14. What was your school's full name?

Washington and Lee Senior High School was the official name. Even though it was 9th through 12th grade. Only no one called it that, it was always W&L.

15. School mascot?


16. If you could go back and do it over, would you?

No. Although, if I could go do all of high school again, knowing what I know now and actual get good grades instead of goofing off, I probably would.

17. What do you remember most about graduation?

Mark Comer bowing to me as I came off the stage with my diploma in hand. The smiles of my teachers. Dana Payne and I goofing off during the ceremony. The incredible heat on the football field.

18. Were you 18?

No, I was 19. I quit school for a year and went back, basically. I was actually still enrolled, the whole time, but missed 150 out of 180 days.

19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year?

Winning a silver medal in the Future Homemakers of America's state contest for "Illustrated Talk." Also, being president of FHA that year and going to convention. I was very involved in the FHA.

20. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall?

Didn't have anything like that.

21. Did you have a job your senior year?

I worked at Hardee's for part of the year and babysat the rest. The time I worked at Hardee's was rough, I was working a fulltime schedule and going to school fulltime. I would get home at 1AM, eat, shower and have to be back up at 6AM. I slept through many a morning class.

22. Who did you date?

Randy Atwell. He was much older than I, 28, I believe and really not a good person. I didn't realize that at the time, though.

23. Where did you go most often for lunch?

The cafeteria. W&L was in a tiny town with only a couple restaurants and we didn't have off campus lunch available.

24. What did you do after graduation?

My parents threw a party for friends and family, then I ended up at another friend's house where I had a couple drinks. My boyfriend, Randy, never showed up for my party, as he was off getting drunk and arrested.

25. When did you graduate?

  • Current Mood
    sleepy sleepy
  • Tags

(no subject)

Part 1: The Birth of You

- Were you a planned baby?
Yep. In fact, my Mom got pregnant with me so she could marry my Dad, as she was under age and they wouldn't sign for her to marry.

- Were you the first?

- Were your parents married when you were born?
Yes, for 6 months.

- What is your birthdate?
April 21, 1975

Part 2: The Family

- How would you describe your family?
Wackjobs. Polish on one side, Cherokee and something else on the other. Completely insane but, I love them are.

- Are your parents married?
Yep, 31 years in October.

- Siblings or an only child?
2 sisters, 1 brother.

- If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?

- What are your siblings names?
Mary, Katie, Richie

- Which parent do you get along with best?
Both of them.

- What do you fight about?
Not much, I'm away from them, so when we're together, no need to argue.

- Do you have step parents?

Part 3: The Friends

- Do you have more than one best friend?
Yeah. A group of people I have been friends with forever. Stacy, Jo, Tracey, Danny.

- Who is your best friend or friends?

-What do you like to do when you are together?
Talk, drink, watch the kids.

- Do you share the same interests?
Not really but, we all still get along.

- Which friend can you tell anything to?

Part 4: Your Personality

- How high/low is your self esteem?
Middle of the road.

- Do you get depressed about things easily?
Serious things, yes. Others, no.

- Are you an extrovert or an introvert?

- Happy?
Most of the time.

- Do you live life to the fullest?
Not really. Too much weighing down, right now.

Part 5: Appearance

- Are you comfortable with the way you look?

- What would you change about your appearance if you could?

- Do you have any piercings besides your ears?
I don't wear any jewelry right now. I got tired of the feeling of it.

- Describe your hair?
Wild, long, reddish brown.

- How do you dress?

Part 6: The Past

- Were you a strange child?
Yep, still am.

- What did you use to love that you no longer do?

- Do you have the same friends?
Quite a few of them.

-Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?
Not mentioning it in this space.

Part 7: The Future

- What is your ambition?
I will be a teacher if I'm 60 when I finish.

- Are you scared of growing old?
It's better than the alternative.

Part 8: The Outdoors

- Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?
When it's not hot, outdoors.

- What is your favorite season?

- Favorite weather?

- Do you like walking in the rain?
Nope. I hate wet feet.

Part 9: Food

- Are you a vegetarian?

- What is your favorite food?
Steak, medium rare.

- What food makes you want to gag?
Raw tomatoes.

- What is your favorite dessert?

- What is your favorite restaurant?
Renato's Italian.

- Are you a picky eater?
  • Current Music
    Songs in my head.

Who this is....

I just friended a bunch of people, as I wandered about and I figured I'd let y'all know who this is, since most of y'all don't know me from the time I used Suzyramble.

If you're from KoL, you know me as Suzika.

3WA: Suzy (but, y'all should recognize)
TUS: Suzy (same)
GT: girlwithagun
MeFi: SuzySmith
  • Current Music
    The drone of the AC.